Some of us, however, don't have time for all that crap. Let's be realistic, it takes YEARS to learn how to play those things with any degree of skill. And then even if you learn it, you've got to make sure that the genres of music you play are compatible to the tastes of the woman you are attempting to woo. Go ahead and try to play anything off "Supersadomasochisticexpialidocious" by Elvis Hitler to a girl whose principal musical interest lies in Hank Williams, Sr. and see how for you get. And I'm not just talking out of my ass, here. I've been learning to play guitar for almost a solid week at this point, and let me tell you, it ain't as easy as it looks.
Luckily, there are options for those of us with all the natural talents of a sloth coupled with the attention span of a goldfish. I am referring, of course, to Guitar Hero, the video game phenomenon that has taken the country by storm.
If you have detected any hint of sarcasm or smarminess up to this point, know that it was indeed intentional and that any love I profess for the aforementioned game from this point forward is entirely genuine.
Guitar Hero, for those not in the know, is a video game for the Playstation 2 and XBox 360 systems that allows you to simulate all the awesomeness of being a rock star without all the hassle of learning how to play an instrument. You are presented with a plastic representation of a real guitar, albeit in a smaller scale. Said guitar contains five buttons on the neck, Green, Red, Yellow, Blue and Orange, as well as a bar for "strumming" where the strings would be.
The premise is simple: A well-known (or not, depending on your tastes) song is played with you filling the role of the lead guitarist. The five buttons are represented at the bottom of the screen while the notes you are to play fly at you at a blinding speed. When the note you are to hit reaches the bottom of the screen, hit the appropriate button and strum the note. Play well and you raise your score while delighting the audience. Miss a note and a small squelch sounds. Miss too many notes and the audience becomes hostile, eventually booing you off the stage.
Guitar Hero, much like its true instrumental counterpart, requires practice. Early difficulties have you only managing three of the fret buttons. Expert has you flying back and forth over all five. Like real guitar, practice is the key. Unlike real guitar, you can get pretty good pretty quick. The true masters dedicate disturbing amounts of time to honing their craft.
What the game does offer, though, is a quick thrill. It is exhilarating to get lost in the moment, nailing key passages, solos, trills and whatever else the game throws at you. There are many songs to work your way through, of varying difficulty.
Those that have known me for any length of time know of my love for this game. As I mentioned earlier, I have now been learning real guitar for nearly a week, and I can attribute a large part of my interest in learning as a result of my love for the digital version.
However, like any relationship, there is a darker side. The current bane of my existence is Hangar 18 on Expert. No song in this game tripped me up for more than 5 attempts. I number well over 100 attempts on this song and can't get past the 90% mark. To add insult to injury, this song was one of the main songs that bolstered my interest initially. I am a lifelong Megadeth fan and that song is one of their masterpieces.
Alas, I know not whether or not I will ever beat that song. If I were to do so, all I would have left is Freebird and then I could live out my life content with my level of awesomeness. For now I must simply live with the fact that I am only rated at "Super cool" instead of "Wicked bad" when it comes to this game.
With the arrival of a real guitar in my life, I find my interest in plastic guitars waning. I'm sure that interest will rekindle with the advent of the next sequel...80's edition! \m/ (-_-) \m/
For now I guess I will end this missive. It's been rambling, incoherent and without any real point or merit. Par for the course, I guess.
